thing that give me anxiety

1.       Knowing that every time you think of an old memory you automatically change it, and that you can never remember exactly what happened, only a distorted recantation of the truth. It makes analysing feeling and opinisions from acertain complicated veent very hard, as you cannot remember exactly what was happening ta the time, only parts and thoughts that aren’t completely ccurate. Also every time you’ve talked of the atter with someone else, it becomes slightly distorted as their opinions and outlooks influence your own and thus the memory of the event. How are you supposed to make decisions in life based on memories of events that you can never truly recall? Of course you can basically remember what it was that happened during the event, the facts and the structure in its most basic forms, but all nuances fade and are distorted. Once it has happened you can never get it back. So if you can never get it back or accurately remember things about it, how can one possiblymake any decisions on anything? Why does this paradox exist, making it impossible to ever do anything or to make any decision with any true certainty? So is all life just a huge spet into the unknown? Sure. But coming to terms with it is bloody hhard.

 Its making my life hell. I don’t know what to do. Theres a person that I think really likes me, but I don’t think I really like him back. I enjoy his company and at tiees we have a nice time together, and it truly is nice to get attention from someone and feel even a tiny bit of intimacy. But  really feel like theres something missing. The ease of conversation and the enjoyment of a furious discussion just isn’t there. And is that my fault? Hes a nice guy, so am I just too picky?

Well that’s bullshit. i keep eletig textand not letting this come as it come into my mind. It bullshit. why am I constantly thinking of what someone else will think or how they will react when its my own life im in charge of? I cant hep how other people feel righ now, but the problem is I feel like I should. Obvs I don’t want t hurt his feeling but im guessing I will, but do I want to? Is it easier to just continue eith this zand just see what happens if I let things run their course? Maybe after I see him tomorrow things will seem better or easier, or if not at least I might have an easier timedeciding on what to do. Because im done with being stressed out about this. This is life. Other can deal with it then so can I. but why is it so hard to accept that imot anyone else im not everyone everyone has hard times and I no exception why am I like this, people make it seem so easy to decide aino noa, they ave it so easy and simple. Somehow they’ve bee able to keep up with their relationship and be with people they actyally like, so is it just that I haven’t meet the right person, or is it actually that something is wrong with me? Im guessing just the wrong person this is therapeutic.